American Horror Story 8x01-02

This is going to be my first year of watching American Horror Story as it airs live, as I’ve only just recently caught up on all the previous seasons, but even I could tell that this summer there was a louder buzz around the upcoming storyline than usual. It’s pretty easy to guess why: this is going to be the show’s first ever crossover season, bringing together characters from Murder House and Coven, and fans are excited! Everybody from Connie „not seen since season 1” Britton to Frances Conroy to Jessica Freakin’ Lange is back, and that spells something huge, undoubtedly. But what it might also spell is confusion, since most of these people are reprising previous roles as well as playing new ones, and while I know it’s not unprecedented for some of them to play multiple characters in the same season, it’s never happened on this scale before. So it’s either gonna be amazing or a colossal clusterfuck, it can really go either way when it comes to AHS.

I tried to stay away from spoilers as much as I could, so pretty much all I know about this season’s storyline is that it takes place in a post-apocalyptic setting, and that it somehow involves a grown up version of Vivian Harmon’s ghost baby from season 1. Those two are obviously connected, or at least that’s what they want you to think! Or, you know, that’s what I thought, until I watched the first two episodes. Turns out the apocalypse was actually caused by nuclear bombs (launched by whom? will we ever know?) so maybe Michael Langdon (aka ghost baby) didn’t have anything to do with it. Or maybe he did. Maybe his sheer presence in the world propelled humanity towards this inevitable disaster. He IS supposed to be the Antichrist, after all. Well, eleven more episodes to find out.

The good news is, not everyone is dead! The bad news is (apart from, you know, the apocalypse), the survivors we’ve seen so far are all pretty lukewarm, or outright terrible people. They’re also all new characters, so no Coven witches or Murder House ghosts in the picture so far.

Let’s see, we have:

Coco (Leslie Grossman), wannabe Instagram-famous Rich Bitch

Mallory (Billie Lourd), Coco’s assistant, appears to be even more emotionless than Lourd’s character in S7

Mr. Whathisname… I don’t think it was even said on the show but Wikipedia tells me it’s Mr. Gallant (Evan Peters), Coco’s hairdresser

Evie (Joan Collins), his grandma, who’s pretty fantastic for a bitchy old lady

These four boarded a plane when the bombs hit (leaving behind Coco’s fiancé Brock, played by Billy Eichner, but I wouldn’t pronounce him dead just yet) and found refuge in an underground shelter run by a mysterious organization known as the Cooperative – one of many, it turns out. Other people who also bought places for themselves in Outpost 3 include TV personality Dinah Stevens (Adina Porter) and some guy named Andre (Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman from Unreal). Rounding out this not so illustrious company are youngsters Timothy and Emily, who were specifically selected by the Cooperative for their flawless genetic makeup. Hmm. These two, of course, almost instantly hooked up, although sex is strictly forbidden by Cooperative rules. Or is it?

According to Outpost 3 boss Miss Wilhelmina Venable (Sarah Paulson), it is, but it turns out power ran to her head a little and she decided to implement her own rules! This brings her into direct conflict with Michael Langdon, the aforementioned Antichrist, who arrives at the Outpost to evaluate the residents and find out which of them are fit to join the Cooperative’s HQ, the Sanctuary. But, and here’s the kicker: it’s not about selecting the youngest, healthiest people so they can repopulate the planet. They need them for some other reason, which means that grandma Evie was just as likely a candidate as his grandson, and she was ready to do everything in her power to make sure he doesn’t get selected over her. This included ratting on him having sex with Rubber Man when everyone thought sex was illegal. Bad, bad grandma! Unfortunately, Gallant killed her in a fit of rage, while thinking that she was actually Rubber Man… like, not that she was in the rubber suit while he was having sex with it, ew, no. He just hallucinated Rubber Man into her place while stabbing her. Gallant actually thought it was Langdon who fucked him. Which may still be true, because what other options do we have? Was it Tate Langdon? Did Evan Peters have sex with himself? Now there’s a thought. Anyway, Evie is probably dead now, and so is Emily, because Miss Venable’s right hand woman Miss Meade (Kathy Bates doing her best Big Boo impression) shot her after she and Timothy were discovered „copulating”. Which I guess is illegal after all? Who do we listen to, Venable or Langdon?

Also, it’s not like the planet is left entirely without life. Something is out there. „Canker pus monsters”, according to Miss Venable, and doesn’t that just sound glorious? So at the end of the first two episodes there’s already a number of questions that need answers before the season is out.

1. Who or what exactly caused the Apocalypse?

2. What happened to the people who didn’t find shelter in time?

3. What is the Cooperative planning with those that did?

4. Who is Rubber Man this time?

5. What powers does Michael Langdon possess? Did he make Gallant hallucinate?

6. What does having „flawless genetic material” mean in the face of the Apocalypse?

That’s all I have so far, besides the obvious „how all this ties into Murder House and Coven” question. Let’s hope next week yields us some answers!