The Masked Singer 4x01

 

Oh, The Masked Singer. I know this show has many detractors, with lots of people critizing the judges, the quality of the performers, or the whole gimmick, and even the people who keep watching it often bashfully characterize it as a "guilty pleasure". Well, I don't believe in guilty pleasures. I like what I like without being ashamed of anything, and I honestly like this show a lot - although I will admit that some of the steam has went out of it since it began. The contestants in the first season are still the most memorable for me, and while I understand why they wanted to increase the number of them - more celebrities and more wacky constumes, yay! - for me it killed a bit of my immersion in the show. Last season I stopped writing down clues entirely and by the time the same performers rolled around I completely forgot if I even liked them the first time. So I'm not altogether happy that they decided to keep this format, but hey... more wacky costumes, at least! As for the judges, yeah, they can be annoying... all the "No way!!!" even when they guessed someone right four weeks ago, the fawning over mediocre performances as if it was the best thing ever, Ken Jeong's increasingly terrible-on-purpose first guesses... but you know what, I saw the first episode of the Hungarian version, and the Americans have nothing on them in terms of sheer absurdity and horribleness, so I appreciate the fact that it could be much worse.

Before starting to review this season, it's also important to note that I hardly ever guess any of the celebrities right, in fact, I can only remember two times when I did, and even then only after the judges did first and I started to agree with them. Now the reason for this is twofold: the majority of these contestants I've never even heard of (especially all the athletes and radio hosts and reality stars) and the ones I have, I'm just not that familiar with their personal lives or up to date on celebrity gossip of any kind. I literally have no idea who went through a difficult time recently or had self-image issues as a child or got how many kids, and I know even less about where and when they worn born and how many awards they have, which to me seems to make up an unreasonable amount of the clues we get.

Speaking of clues, I did catch up on a few things over the last three seasons that should make it easier to guess them. Generally speaking, there's two rules I follow while guessing:

1. If they reference some super famous song or movie title in a super obvious way, it has nothing to do with their identity (no, judges, it's not Tom Cruise just because he said "succeeding in this business seemed like a mission impossible"). In a related note, I noticed that if the judges latch on to a particular guess really hard, song/movie titles of that person usually start to appear in the clues to make them think they're on to something, but they're not.

2. The majority of the clues require an insane amount of conjecture to get right, and usually include visual puns or wordplay. My "favourite" was the one where an actual baseball bat in Kelly Osbourne's package was supposed to be a reference to her dad's infamous incident with a real, live bat, and I thought that was just really fucking dumb.

None of this really helps my guessing in any way, so usually the only thing I can really count on is recognizing the voice and then somehow fitting the clues to that person... then again, I did not get Bret Michaels until his very last episode and I actually love Poison and know his voice a lot so... maybe I'm just not very good at this.

Before I get into the actual recap of this episode, I feel obliged to address one more thing - that is, the whole Nick Cannon of it all. To start with, I'm not in the least a fan of what in recent years came to be known as "cancel culture". I really don't think people should lose their jobs and have their reputations ruined by something dumb they posted on social media, especially if said posting happened years ago and the person hasn't actually exhibited behaviours reflecting it in real life. This goes for ordinary everyday people, and celebrities as well. Obviously if it's something more serious like actual, provable domestic abuse or child molestation, then go for it. Now, what Cannon did falls into the first category, so I don't think he should have been fired (not that he ever was in any danger, I mean, he's a black man who tweeted about white people being subhuman savages, when has that ever bothered anyone in Hollywood). That said, from the moment I read about his true opinions, I knew I would never be able to take his friendly banter with any of the white judges or contestants seriously ever again... or with his favourite joke-buddy Ken Jeong, for that matter. I'm not sure how black supremacists feel about Asian people, but it can't be good, right? Also, if I was Robin Thicke or Jenny McCarthy, I would probably feel really awkward making nice with this man from now on. But hey... I'm not a Hollywood person whose whole livelihood depends on pretending, so they'll probably be fine.

Alright, now that that's all over and done with... how did Group A fare this week?

 

Sun

This was a pretty good season opener, not the best ever (that title, as Nicole correctly stated, still belongs to Peacock/Donny Osmond's The Greatest Show) but still solid. I have no idea yet who this lady is but my first hunch is that she's not a singer but an actress, African-American, aaand that's about it. A few clues that could be interesting are the little cartoon Sun blowing a kiss to what I think was Mars (Bruno?), and the Mickey Mouse symbol, which I don't think is a reference to the club directly, just that she's been involved in a Disney production, which, let's face it, nowadays could mean anything from Marvel to Star Wars to Pirates of the Caribbean to a freaking Nat Geo documentary... but yeah, Disney. She also mentioned having a few "extreme seasons" in her life, which I think means a TV show, not sporting seasons. She also hinted at having been burned out from the spotlight and falling into a deep depression, and some more cryptic shit about how, while being frozen (not the movie, nope, she is not Idina Menzel!), in the darkness of a quiet place (not Emily Blunt either), she transformed into a ray of light, which appeared heart-shaped in the video... also the Sun is apparently a reflection of who she is personally. None of this is helpful, thanks! The other two remaining clues or faux-clues that I wrote down mean absolutely nothing to me but could be important, and they are "Fun Director, Gold member", and the pool with "Shallow area, 2ft" written next to it. I was surprised none of the judges shouted "Shallow, she's Lady Gaga!" at that. But yeah, I have no idea.

Giraffe

Oh good, we have the first rapper of the season. Will he make it until the end with all the judges being in awe of his talents and how much he can make the crowd move? We'll see. Right now I don't think so, because even for a rapper, this was not very good. Or so I thought. Apprently this guy comes from a musical family but when he took a big risk, he became the butt of many jokes. Could that risk be... becoming a rapper? Okay, okay, I'm done. I just don't think rapping has any place in a singing competition, but hey... that's just me. So anyway, he had a rollercoaster career, with towering successes, but also low points. My notes here consist mainly of random phrases he said like how he's "in the driver's seat, off to the races" and how he was at one point "in knots" (here my punny-senses started tingling, could this actually be nuts? Not that that makes more sense) - and also random things I saw in the package like the apple and tomato, and 3 dollars. None of this tells me anything, and netiher does his assertion that for him this competition is good because it's a "big deal not to have to focus on vocals", which is like... it's a fucking singing competition, why the hell would you not, if you can actually sing??? He also said it was nice to be anonymous, which prompted one of the judges to say "he's going to be someone super famous" if he says that, which is so funny to me because pretty much every single contestant mentions that they enjoy people not knowing who they are and not judging them on preconceived notions, and I could count the number of those I would characterize as "super famous" on one hand. Then again this is the judging panel that goes wild for anyone, from T-Pain to Jojo Siwa to random basketball players, so maybe "super famous" has a different meaning when you, yourself, are also somewhat famous. Or when you have to pretend you know every single one of these people.

Popcorn

Here we have an older lady with a pretty nice voice, who may or may not have a connection to one or more of the following things: New York, tigers, fish(bowls), big hoop earrings, snakes, bitten apples, "the hood", m/Meatloaf, broadway, piers, (proud) merry go rounds... damn, I'm so good at this game! All joking aside... yeah, no idea. Like pretty much every single person on this show, she also came from humble beginnings (long nights, rushing from one job to the next), but now she can spend her time "jetsetting to exotic places with royalty". She also has a "jumbo sized heart" and "built a career around love"... oh and she just really wants to kiss Nick. She didn't say which Nick though, it could be anyone from Cannon to Santa Claus, maybe even Nickelodeon. You'll never outsmart ME,  Popcorn lady!

 

Dragon

Dragon is a really freaking tall, very deep voiced black dude who is also rapping, although he does it slightly better than Giraffe did. His clue of "dressing up in funky, outrageous costumes isn't new to me" and the accompanying pictures of his dragon-self dressed up as a rapper, and old-time gentleman, and a... dog... made me think of Sacha Baron Cohen, but that was before the rapping. No way he would do that, since he actually has a pretty great singing voice. There were some additional clues of a bunch of zeros on a timer, and an X on a target board... also lots of trophies, weightlifting equipment, and a golden bone... he's really laying into this dog thing, huh. Unsurprisingly, since the judges love this kind of thing, Jenny called him "one of the strongest performers ever on this show", which actually made me say "oh, please!" out loud. For a rapper he wasn't bad, but for God's sake. Be realistic.

Snow Owls

This is a first in the show which has been made a lot of by the judges and host alike: two singers in one costume. Imagine that! Are they siblings, spouses, best friends, members of the same group? We don't know. They're trying to sell the sibling angle by saying "oh, brother", and telling us that we haven't seen them together in a while, so this is a real family reunion, but all that could be a misdirect. I will confess that I got a bired bored by this point, and the novelty of the double act wasn't quite enough to rouse me, so I only jotted down a few clues out of context: jam-a-lot, pearl on oyster, rose pin, "magnolia, quarrel canyon". One thing that made me sit up a bit was them sitting on a familiar-looking brown couch (Friends???), and a few things we did find out about the male half, specifically: he's a prankster, a real wise guy, who loves wings. Hmm... angel? Chicken? Hospital? Lots of things have wings. I spent a long time after the show has ended trying to recall famous brother-sister singing duos, but the only thing that came to my mind was Baby Billy and Aimee-Leigh from The Righteous Gemstones, and now I can't get Misbehavin' out of my mind. Again. Thanks a lot, Snow Owls!

In the end Dragon had to be unmasked (not undeservedly, although I felt Giraffe was slightly weaker), and he turned out to be... Busta Rhymes. Now, you probably guessed already that I'm not a rap fan, but believe it or not, I have heard his name before. No way I could have guessed him though since I have no idea what he sounds like, even though apparently he has a signature style that was very easy to guess. That must have been lucky for the judges because his clues were a big fat nothing. We were told that we should have noticed and understood the following things: a dinosaur-chaped car referencing a voice acting gig he did, mentions of quests, because he collaborated with A Tribe Called Quest, and the weights, referencing his "famously ripped physique" and passion for weight lifting. I mean come on, ninety percent of male celebrities would tell you they have that. Pretty much all the "clues" I noticed were useless, and that I think sums up my success with this series very well.

But since it's never too late to learn, and I'm always open to trying new things, I looked up some of Busta Rhymes' hit songs on YouTube/Wikipedia, because I was curious if - since apparently he's some kind of a rap legend - they could maybe be those kind of songs that I heard a million times, just never knew who was behind them. So I listened to "Dangerous", "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Could See"... no luck... and THEN I listened to "I Know What You Want", his collab with Mariah Carey... and hot damn, this song WAS absolutely ubiqitous in the early 2000s. Except back then we didn't have the nifty option of googling songs by remembered bits of lyrics, so the only way you could know who sang what was if you happened to be listening to the radio at exactly the right time, so the DJ would say their name, or if you caught the end or beginning of the video on MTV/VH1/Viva (for us Hungarians). That's a bit of a history lesson for the young people out there. So no, I never knew who sang this song, and now I'm absolutely pumped that I do. That's no sarcasm, I truly love little discoveries like this. And I did just travel back to my childhood a little so... I may just go and listen to some more Busta Rhymes, see if I can find any other familiar songs.

Overall, the first performers of the season didn't amaze me. Of course, the judges would have you believe that this is the strongest season ever, you guys!!! Or at least, that this is the "strongest set of perfomers in Masked Singer history", which is nonsense, and also Jenny said that season 4 is blowing her mind, and well... maybe that's not so hard to do, if that's true. I'm very much looking forward to Group B next week, and to see if I can spot that Olympic gold medalist and major category Oscar winner that this season is supposed to have. This week we had two rappers, one duet that almost put me to sleep, and two singers who were not bad but not brilliant either. I'm pretty sure the best ones are yet to come.